


Soprano

by BeeAnka



Series: Sing Me A Song Of Despair [15]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Abuse, F/F, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Sexual Repression, mild sexual themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-13 05:08:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13563501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeeAnka/pseuds/BeeAnka
Summary: After what she has learned during her espionage mission, Mukuro needs to speak with both Sayaka and Junko.





	1. Uno

**Author's Note:**

> My gf drew Junko annoying Someya this time: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/170466312266 
> 
> He's actually not even an OC (but might as well be), which some people might not realize. He's the guy who got killed pretty much right away in the Student Council Killing Game in DR3. I figured I might as well make him the Ultimate Architect, since we don't know anything about him. And yes, I totally only picked him because of the stuffed animal thing!
> 
> Wow, it's another two parter. This got way too long again, and sadly this time I couldn't write, like, 13,000 words in a week, which is why the second chapter has to wait for a bit! This is still a bit over 7,000 words in a week though, so I don't feel too bad about it. I'm constantly told that my update schedule is kinda ridiculous too! Besides, it'll give me more time to write on the second side story thing. That I'm totally gonna post soon... probably.
> 
> Also it just occured to me how much I've actually written on this series in comparatively little time. And I'm still really passionate about it too. The thing that sucks about being a writer most is looking forward to things that you can't write yet! But I'll get there. Eventually!

* * *

 

Mukuro tries her best to pay attention to her friends during lunch break on Monday.

Her mind keeps wandering back to yesterday night. To Sakakura Juzo and his childhood friends. Is Junko going to out him? She will blackmail him with the information for sure, and she might out him even if he played along as soon as he's served his purpose.

It shouldn't matter. Not to Mukuro. She knows that, but... she can't stop thinking about Sayaka being in the same position. The thought keeps popping up no matter how many times she's trying to suppress it.

She can think about it later though. If she keeps spacing out, her friends are going to be suspicious. She focuses on them again. Five people together on two benches is a bit awkward, but Makoto is small enough for it not to get too cramped. He sits on Sayaka's left, while Aoi sits on Sayaka's right. Mukuro and Mikan sit on the bench opposite of them. Komaeda sometimes joins them, but most of the time he has to spend lunch break in the nurse's office. Mikan is obviously uncomfortable about the subject, so no one's asked about that yet. He does look rather sickly, but Mukuro didn't think he'd have any serious conditions.

She does hope he's alright. Mikan would be devastated if anything happened to a friend of hers. Mukuro can't say she's gotten any fonder of Komaeda in the last few weeks, but she's... used to him at this point. She wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him, she supposes.

Judging from the way Aoi's mouth is moving while her eyes are locked onto Mukuro's right, she's pretty sure Aoi is still gushing about Mikan's new short hair. The swimmer has been doing that non-stop since they finished their food. She listens again.

"And like, it's probably more practical for a nurse to have short hair too, right?" She hears Aoi ask, so apparently they're still talking about that.

"Y-You're right, Aoi-chan." Mikan answers, her cheeks tinted pink, probably because of all the compliments she's been receiving. Mukuro wonders when Mikan managed to learn how to say 'Aoi-chan' without stammering.

"Well, she could've just tied it back too." Sayaka interjects. "Mikan-san looks really cute with her hair tied back! Short hair looks even better on her though."

"It really does suit you, Mikan-san!" Makoto adds.

Mukuro feels like she has to give a compliment too, or else she'll be the only one who hasn't, which might be taken as a sign that she doesn't like the hairstyle. "It looks good on you, Mikan-san," she says, and it does. The hair is still choppy, but it fits Mikan well enough. She didn't think it was bad before, really, but she supposes the shortness of it does make it look a lot better and even. "I um... I like how it brings out your eyes. Your eyes are nice. And it looks good just in general too." The addition sounds awkward, but she feels 'It looks good' alone would have been too little.

Mikan's face reddens even more, although Aoi doesn't seem very impressed.

"Wow." Aoi's voice sounds uncharacteristically flat. "Your compliments aren't usually _that_ awkward, Mukuro-chan. Just, like, a little awkward."

"Don't be mean, Aoi-chan! It's clear that she meant it!" Sayaka comes to her defense.

"Well yeah, she wouldn't lie about that stuff! It still sounded really awkward though."

"Was it too awkward?" Mukuro asks Mikan. "I did mean it though."

"No, it was n-nice. Thank you, Mukuro-san." Mikan mumbles. The smile on her face looks nervous, but also genuine enough.

"You're too easy to please, Mikan-chan!" Aoi admonishes. "You're, like, super pretty! And a genius too! You gotta have more standards when it comes to compliments!"

"I'm not th-that pretty... or a genius..." Mikan argues weakly. "Y-You're giving me too many compliments..."

"You totally are both! There's never too many compliments! You're pretty, smart, nice, helpful, pretty, nice-"

"Aoi-san," Makoto gently interrupts. "You're doing the thing again."

Aoi blinks. "I am, aren't I?! Sorry, Mikan-chan!"

"You said 'pretty' and 'nice' two times too," Sayaka points out. "But then again, Mikan-san totally is both."

"I said it twice, because she's those things times two!"

"Guys!" Makoto says louder, then immediately looks like he feels terrible for the crime of raising his voice. "Uh, sorry. You were just... about to do it again."

"My bad, Mikan-san!" Sayaka shoots the nurse an apologetic smile.

"Yeah, sorry!" Aoi scratches her head in embarrassment.

"I-It's okay... you're just trying to be good friends. I'm so sorry for being ungrateful!" Mikan squeaks.

"Oh geez, you're not ungrateful!" Sayaka assures her. "It's perfectly fine to get embarrassed when you get complimented too much."

"Yeah!" Aoi agrees. "It was my fault for overdoing, even though I meant it! You really are-" Makoto coughs. "I mean! Uh, yeah! Don't feel bad, Mikan-chan!"

Mukuro probably shouldn't feel as bemused as she does. In an attempt to make Mikan more confident in herself, Aoi has been going out of her way to give the nurse compliments upon compliments, praising her for the most mundane things imagineable. Occasionally, Sayaka can't stop herself from joining in either. While they both have good intentions, Mikan doesn't exactly respond well to too much at once. They've been trying to dial it back a little, but still tend to overdo it, which is why Mukuro and Makoto have to step in sometimes.

It doesn't help that Mikan always beats herself up over not appreciating all the compliments more, no matter how many times everyone tells her that it's fine if she gets overwhelmed.

No one could ever accuse Mikan of not appreciating compliments enough. The girl almost fainted that one time Aoi said she was -- how did the swimmer put it? A... 'Twenty outta ten on the dating scale'? Something like that.

"Your hair is shorter than mine now." Mukuro says to Mikan in an attempt to change the subject. Four pairs of eyes land on her immediately.

"Wow, it's true!" Aoi whistles. "I haven't even noticed that, Mukuro-chan. Your hair's almost longer than Makoto's now! Just not as spiky!"

"It's not _that_ spiky." Makoto mutters. "And my hair isn't even long to begin with."

Sayaka squints as she looks at her hair. "Geez Mukuro, it's so long now that we can't even call it a bob anymore, can we? Do you want me to cut it for you?"

"A-Are you going to grow it out more, Mukuro-san?" Mikan asks.

"I wasn't planning to." Mukuro mutters. She never really pays much attention to her hair, but she usually notices once it's gotten too long. She raises her hand and runs it through her hair, trying to see if cutting it is necessary. It reaches past the shoulder, which means it is. "I think I would like a haircut, if you don't mind." She says to Sayaka, a bit annoyed at herself that she hasn't noticed the length.

"No problem! A bob again? Oh, or how about a pixie cut? There's so many different styles when it comes to either! You have a lot of choices, Mukuro!" Sayaka seems as though she's looking forward to this way too much.

"Just... short. I don't really care about the specifics." Mukuro mutters.

"Does that mean it's my choice?" Sayaka asks, her eyes practically sparkling.

"As long as you don't overdo it, I suppose."

"How about a side-swept pixie cut? I think that'd look amazing on you."

"I don't really know what that is."

"Then it's gonna be a surprise!"

Mukuro doesn't like the sound of that. "Can we just leave it how it is now, except make it short?" She asks, feeling overwhelmed.

"Like it is now... except short." Sayaka repeats like she's tasted something sour. She sighs. "Oh, fine! You're still gonna look cute, so I'm not complaining."

"Geez, your hair is really important to Sayaka-chan." Aoi says quietly to Mukuro, presumably not wanting Sayaka to hear it. Which is ridiculous, considering they sit right next to each other.

"I've noticed."

"It _is_ important." Sayaka insists, obviously having heard anyway. "A short style really suits both Mukuro and Mikan-san, and Aoi-chan's ponytail looks perfect on her! Makoto-kun has that hair thing that constantly sticks out from the top of his head like an antenna, but that actually fits him! You all have lovely hair!"

Makoto scratches his cheek. "Thanks... I think?"

"My hair looks perfect?" Aoi asks, baffled. "That's weird. I'm not even trying. I just stick it up like that, 'cuz I don't wanna get stuck in revolving doors or stuff like that. "

"... That's your reason?" Mukuro doesn't know how Makoto is still surprised whenever Aoi says something odd like that.

"People's long hair causing accidents i-is not that uncommon." Mikan comments. Mukuro is impressed by her progress. A month ago she probably wouldn't have spoken up without being adressed first. "You're smart for be-being cautious, Aoi-chan."

Aoi beams. "Thanks, Mikan-chan! And you're a genius for knowing all that stuff!"

"Ehehe... i-it's just that being a nurse, I would know about things that cause injuries."

"Yeah!" Aoi nods her head vigorously. "That's what I mean! You're a super smart nurse!"

"She is." Makoto agrees. "She's a good teacher too. She makes all those medical things sound really simple. Okay, maybe not totally simple, but... I actually understand most of it!"

"That's because y-you're a good student, Makoto-kun." Mikan tells him. "You have a really detailed memory. It's a good thing for a nurse to have."

"You really think so?" Makoto asks, looking embarrassed yet also happy.

"Y-Yes, definitely."

"I think you would be a good nurse, Makoto-kun." Mukuro says. The more the thinks about it, the more she believes that line of work would really suit him. "You care a lot about other people and you're good at saying the right things."

"I remember when you nursed that injured crane back to health in junior high school, Makoto-kun." Sayaka mentions. "We've talked about that sometime ago. I did say how I thought that it suited you back then, didn't I?"

"That totally does fit you, Makoto!" Aoi reinforces their words. "You could always, like, nurse me back to health whenever I get injured or something! Wait, I'm already friends with Mikan-chan... but it'd still totally fit you! You should become a nurse!"

"You have great priorities as always, Aoi-chan." Sayaka teases her. "You just want two personal nurses instead of one. You're way too spoiled!"

Aoi huffs. "Hey, I just meant... you know!"

"Do you think you would like being a nurse?" Mukuro asks Makoto.

Makoto has a very obvious blush on his face at this point. He isn't as shy as Mikan, but she supposes getting so many compliments at once is easy to get embarrassed about. She can't blame him -- she probably wouldn't fare much better in his shoes. "If you all think it's a good idea..."

"I th-think you would have to decide for yourself." Mikan tells him, before shyly adding: "I-I think you would make a great nurse though."

"Geez, maybe we should talk about something else before Makoto passes out." Aoi suggests.

"That'd be nice." Makoto agrees weakly, scatching his cheek. "Thanks though, everyone..."

"Don't thank us for speaking our mind!" Sayaka gives him a wink. "Alright, topic change before Makoto-kun turns into a second Mikan-san!" She giggles when both Mikan and Makoto give her a dirty look in response, though in this case 'dirty' means more like 'vaguely embarrassed'. "That discussion about long hair accidents just now made me think... maybe I should get a haircut too! I wouldn't wanna get sucked in a jet turbine or something."

"Don't worry about that, Sayaka-chan. The only one we know who has a jet is Togami, and he wouldn't let you anywhere near his." Aoi assures her. "But I bet you'd look cute with short hair!"

"Komaru would lose her mind if she saw you perform with short hair, Sayaka-san." Makoto says, smiling in that way he does most of the time when talking about his little sister. "She's really fond of Nana-san because of that. Well, it's one reason."

Sayaka hums thoughtfully. "Wow, now I might even consider it. I'm gonna tell Nana that your little sister adores her too, Makoto-kun!"

"I guess that's okay..."

"Hey, hey, what do you think of Sayaka-chan with short hair, Mukuro-chan?!" Aoi asks out of the blue, looking like she's incredibly proud of herself for thinking of that question. Mikan and Makoto immediately look at her in anticipation as well, while Sayaka's fingers start twirling a lock of her hair, trying to make it seem like she isn't paying attention.

Mukuro looks around them. They're fairly isolated from the rest of the roof and she'd notice if anyone was listening in on them, but it's still hard not to feel nervous.

Aoi getting a little carried away with trying to push Sayaka and her together more isn't anything new, so Mukuro can't even make herself glare at her anymore. Not that the swimmer ever seems to notice... and she does mean well. Mukuro can't bring herself to get upset with Aoi. Besides, the thought of the idol with short hair is... nice. "Sayaka would look beautiful," she mumbles. "But she always looks beautiful." She almost can't believe she's just said that in front of all their friends.

Her cheeks having a pink color to them all of a sudden, Sayaka fires back. "You'd look beautiful with long hair too, Mukuro. But short hair just makes you look... really good, you know? So I wouldn't want you to stop having short hair."

There's an awkward silence, all their friends staring from one of them to the other. Mukuro kind of wishes she could sink into the floor. Sayaka looks like she wishes for the same. What were they thinking, saying all this?!

"Gosh." Aoi sighs, and is considerate enough to at least say the next few words more quietly. "I didn't think you'd both start flirting so blatantly! You two are just too cute. Why aren't you girlfriends yet?!"

"Aoi-chan!" Sayaka squeaks. Mukuro wants to bury her face in her hands and spend the rest of lunch break in that position.

"They will when they're ready, Aoi-san." Makoto says, giving Sayaka and Mukuro a concerned look. "You probably can't be that open about it even if you wanted to, right? I don't think any of our classmates would tell anyone about it, so at least there you two could..." He trails off, and throws up his hands in an allaying manner. "Uh, sorry! I don't want to make assumptions or anything. I know Kirigiri-san wouldn't mind at all, at least."

Sayaka shoots him a grateful if strained smile. "Thanks, Makoto-kun. It's not really the main issue, but I'm relieved to hear it."

"Wh-Whenever you two are ready..." Mikan says in a quiet voice. "We'll be there to s-support you."

"Yeah!" Makoto agrees.

"I'll beat anyone up who says otherwise!" Aoi declares.

"Thanks, guys." Sayaka's smile becomes less strained. She throws her arms around Aoi and Makoto, pulling them close to her. "Group hug!"

"Group hug!" Aoi agrees enthusiastically, slinging her arms around both Sayaka and Makoto, the latter of whom looking like he's about to faint any second. "Aren't you two gonna join in?!" Aoi asks Mikan and Mukuro.

"We're good." Mukuro answers flatly before Mikan can even start sputtering. The thought of getting into some kind of group hug in the middle of the roof is too embarrassing -- she's sure Mikan would agree with her.

"I think Makoto-kun is- is suffocating..." Mikan points out reluctantly.

"Sayaka-chan, stop choking the poor guy!"

" _You're_ the one doing it, Aoi-chan!"

"Oh!" Aoi loosens her grip and pulls away, followed by Makoto sucking in a breath. "Uh, oops! Sorry, Makoto!"

"I think he's used to your tough love by now. We all are." Sayaka assures her. She lets go of Makoto too, ruffling his hair affectionately. "Geez Makoto-kun, your face _is_ pretty red though. Are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah!" Makoto chokes out. "Just give me a moment."

"His face is red 'cuz he just got hugged by you, Sayaka-chan! It's embarrassing to get hugged by pretty girls, ya know? I'm embarrassed too!" Suddeny looking close to panic, Aoi's eyes dart to Mukuro. "We aren't trying to steal her away from you though, Mukuro-chan! Don't worry about it!"

Mukuro finds the sincerity in her words both touching and kind of puzzling. The thought of being jealous of Aoi and Makoto strikes her as incredibly ridiculous though. "I wasn't exactly worried about that, but thank you."

Both Makoto and Aoi protest in very different ways.

"Hey..."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

Mikan makes an odd noise, sounding suspiciously like she's holding back a giggle, while Sayaka doesn't even bother holding it back at all. The thought that her friends mostly laugh at her comments when they aren't even meant to be humorous is a bit discouraging, but Mukuro is glad she can make them laugh at all.

"I could totally steal Sayaka-chan away if I wanted to!" Aoi asserts. "Tell them, Makoto!"

"Uh..." Makoto says intelligently.

"Don't be a wimp! How are you ever gonna capture Sayaka-chan's heart like this?"

"I don't- I thought _you're_ the one who wanted to do that...!"

"We can do it both! It'll be like a..." Aoi's face scrunches up in concentration, then lights up. "A Sayaka sandwich!" She states triumphantly.

Makoto gives her a look of utter disbelief, before turning to Mukuro and Mikan. "Please change the subject." He begs.

"Sure!" Mikan blurts out over Sayaka's giggling, coming to his aid. "D-Did you know the heart can keep beating even after the person dies? Ehehe... I just thought that was- was interesting?"

"It's interesting!" Makoto immediately agrees. Mukuro finds his sincerity doubtful in this case.

"Geez. Gruesome, much?" Aoi comments, but doesn't really seem that put off.

Sayaka sighs, sounding strangely wistful about the act of a person dying. "It's kind of poetic though, in a way."

"Sometimes the heart keeps beating even after you remove it from the person's body too." Mukuro supplies. She blinks when everyone stares at her. "... I've read about it." It's not like she's ever ripped anyone's heart out, or seen it. She may have been among some bloodthirsty people in Fenrir, but no one ever did that. Just some things close to it.

Not that she wants to think about that right now.

"Mukuro-san is right. After all, the heart is just a muscle." Mikan says, then gets a suffering look on her face. "A-And technically, until the heart stops beating the person wouldn't be considered as dead... a-at least not in a hospital. I-I just wanted to change the subject. I'm s-sorry for telling lies!"

Mukuro, Sayaka, Aoi, and Makoto spend the remainder of lunch break trying to calm Mikan down. Her meltdowns over more or less trivial things have dramatically decreased, but still sometimes occur. It usually doesn't take long to cheer her up either, at least not anymore.

Sure enough, by the time the bell rings, Mikan is perfectly calm again. Well, as calm as she usually is anyway. She still hasn't lost her inherent nervousness -- there's been a lot of progress though.

When Mukuro is back in class afterwards, her previous thoughts assault her once again. She's almost forgotten about them completely.

She supposes that's the effects her friends have on her. She's getting way too soft...

Her phone buzzes sometime before class starts.

 **Junko-chan:** dont forget we gonna go to the old school building in the afternoon. you and sayaka chan can fuck first for a bit, but only for an hour this time. if you even last for that long

Feeling a flash of anger, Mukuro types back.

 **Mukuro:** I didn't forget. You didn't have to send me that.

She pauses. She shouldn't act snippish with Junko, just because of a bad joke. She deletes her message and writes something curt instead.

 **Mukuro:** Understood.

She sends it, then puts the phone in her breast pocket. She misses her blazer's pockets, but it's too warm to wear that at the time. Why can't the skirts have pockets too? Well, it doesn't matter.

Talking to Sayaka is going to be uncomfortable after the previous two days, especially because of their conversation yesterday...

She'll just have to endure it. Besides, there is something she wants to ask Sayaka... about being outed forcefully. Mukuro knows the answer to that will not make her feel better, but she has to ask anyway.

She needs to be aware of the scope of her actions before she gives Sakakura up to Junko. It's pointless... but it feels like it's the right thing to do. It's ridiculous. Since when has she ever cared about doing the 'right thing'? What's the point in starting now?

And surely, the 'right thing' would have been not spying on the man to begin with? So what does it matter now? She should just to give Junko the information she wants without doing pointless things first.

She knows she should do that, but still...

She wants to ask. She needs to know. Even if it makes her feel awful.

No, especially if it makes her feel awful.

 

-

 

Maybe it's silly, but seeing Sayaka brew tea in the pot that Mukuro gave her for her birthday is a good feeling.

It's not like the gift is that original, but she thinks above average is a good way to label it as far as birthday gifts go. Sayaka seemed to like it.

Mukuro wonders what getting a birthday gift from her would feel like. Would it feel different than the bracelet Sayaka gave to her a while back? The only people who ever bothered giving her gifts for her birthday were Junko, when she felt like it, and their adoptive parents. She loves whatever Junko gives to her on principle alone, and she wonders if it would be the same with Sayaka.

She wonders if Sayaka and her other friends are going to get her something for her birthday. Well, they most likely will, but she's probably too boring to make getting a good gift for her even possible. She hopes none of them will be annoyed trying to figure that out.

Maybe she should just tell them not to bother? That'd be awkward though... and, although it's embarrassing to admit for her, Mukuro kind of wants them to give her something. Not that she cares what the gifts are going to be, but the concept of her friends even bothering... it would be a nice feeling, she supposes. It's selfish, of course, but she can't help it.

She'd do a sufficient enough job of pretending to like even an awful gift though, so at least her friends would all be relieved. It's the least she could so, since barely any of the gifts she's ever given herself were actually any good. Her sister never liked any except two -- well, one now. Junko said she'd gotten bored of the ruby earrings after a week and threw them in the trash.

And that one gift Junko did like had been a lot of effort. Mukuro can't really replicate it. Strange to think, how that was only about half a year ago... how it was only half a year ago that she'd left Fenrir and returned to her sister. It feels so much longer.

Her friends are probably easier to find gifts for than for Junko, at least. The one she gave to Sayaka was mostly a stroke of luck though. She's glad her other friends' birthdays were earlier this year -- she would have a hard time figuring out what to get them. Their birthdays are not long after Junko's either, so that's going to be somewhat stressful.

Makoto's birthday is in February while Aoi's is in April. Mikan's is in May -- shortly before Mukuro and the others all became friends with her. She remembers Sayaka even throwing a small, belated celebration for it. It was probably the brightest smile she'd ever seen on Mikan's face. It's unfortunate she couldn't give her a gift, since the celebration had been something of a spontaneous thing.

Mukuro wants to give Mikan something nice for her next, actual birthday. It's the same with Aoi and Makoto. And Junko too, of course, but then she's kinda given up on ever managing to present her sister with a good gift.

She'll still try her hardest... but apparently that's never good enough.

When Sayaka pours the tea into her porcelain cup and she reaches for it though, it occurs to Mukuro that her friends might not be around anymore to enjoy their birthdays next year.

"Mukuro? Your hand is shaking. Are you okay?"

She stills her hand that's gripping the teacup, once again grateful for having so much control over her body, and gives Sayaka a shaky smile. "Yes, I'm sorry. The tea's heat caught me off-guard."

Sayaka smiles too, but doesn't look like she's buying her excuse. Luckily though, she doesn't pursue the topic. "It's green tea," she says. "I thought we could break your present in with your favorite. How is it?"

Mukuro raises the cup and takes a careful sip, then puts it down on the saucer again. "It's good. Thank you, Sayaka."

"I'm relieved! I don't think I'm bad at making tea, but you never know!"

"I see."

It wasn't there earlier, but now that they're alone the awkwardness from yesterday sets in again. That conversation did not really end on a positive note after all.

"I'll cut your hair after we finish our tea." Sayaka speaks up after a brief bit of uncomfortable silence. "Is that okay with you?"

"Yes." Mukuro hesitates for a moment, but she might as well get it over with. "Sayaka, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"You probably know a lot more about it than me, since I haven't had many reasons to consider it, but I thought about what would happen if you were outed..." Mukuro trails off, feeling more uncomfortable than she thought she would. Is this really a good idea?

Seemingly unperturbed, Sayaka brings her teacup to her mouth and nips on it, never taking her eyes off her, then puts her cup down on the saucer. "You're right that I've given that a lot of consideration," she says. "Is there anything you want to know in particular?"

"You would probably lose your job if you were outed, right?" Mukuro asks.

"Unless there was some kind of miracle, yeah." Sayaka answers, a gloomy look on her face. Mukuro feels a flash of guilt for making her think of awful things like that. "My career would probably be over for good too. I guess I could become an independent musician if that happened, but it wouldn't be a sure thing. People would accuse me of trying to corrupt young girls and send me death threats. The rest of my bandmates would receive a lot of backlash too -- maybe our idol group would even be disbanded because of it."

"That sounds horrible." Mukuro mumbles. "And unfair. You've worked so hard to get where you are today, but people would take that away from you just because you like girls."

"Yeah." Sayaka gives a sour smile. "It'd be even worse since I'm an idol. Don't get me wrong, I love a lot of my fans, but some... mostly boys... they think that even having a boyfriend would 'ruin' me in some way, because then I wouldn't be 'pure' anymore or something like that. A boyfriend could ruin my career, but just the knowledge that I like girls alone would likely ruin it for sure."

Mukuro nods. From what she knows about the idol industry, she's concluded as much. "What about outside of that? If you weren't a celebrity?"

"That depends on the environment, I guess." Sayaka muses. "We're lucky that our friends are so supportive and don't mind it. We could've lost them. People who come out in school often get bullied too. Their parents might mistreat them... although I'm sure my dad would support me." She pauses, considering something. Mukuro didn't really need a lecture on people getting bullied by their parents or peers because of homophobia -- and she faintly wonders if she really gives the impression of being too naive to know these things -- but she doesn't want to interrupt. She's sure Sayaka doesn't mean to be condescending and just wants to cover all the bases too. "Are you asking because of your... parents? I'm sorry, Mukuro, your family outside of Junko-chan never really comes up."

Sometimes Mukuro forgets she still has an adoptive father -- she hasn't spoken to that man in years. She isn't sure how often Junko does, but it has to be sometimes. Her sister was always more fond of their adoptive mother -- or at least pretended to be. Possibly because that woman was more useful to her goals. Mukuro herself never really cared about either of them. "It's fine," she says. "I'm not asking because of that, no."

"Are you worried about getting outed yourself?" Sayaka asks.

"No, I just..." Mukuro swallows. What would be the best way to approach this topic? "I heard a rumor about one of the teachers being gay," she lies. It's close enough. "I was wondering what would happen if he was outed, and then I had to think about us too."

Sayaka blinks. "Huh? What teacher? Wait, maybe you shouldn't tell me. It's bad to spread rumours, even though I wouldn't tell anyone." She frowns. "Anyway, a teacher would probably get fired for that. It depends. If the word spreads, he won't find many schools that'd hire him either."

"I see." Mukuro says. Sayaka isn't really telling her anything she hasn't thought of herself already, but hearing it put this way makes the whole thing seem more... real than it did before somehow. "I'm sure it wasn't easy to say all of this. Thank you, Sayaka."

It's an awkward way to end the topic. There's probably more Sayaka could tell her, but she really doesn't want to hear it.

"It was more easy than you'd think. I've given this a lot of thought, you know?" Sayaka retorts. "And I hope it's okay to say this... but none of that would stop me from being your girlfriend. I-I mean we'd have to keep it a secret, which I know is terribly unfair towards you, but... I just..."

"Sayaka," Mukuro interrupts. "It's fine. I would never expect you to come out to anyone because of me, especially not if it could ruin your career and cause people to harass you."

"It just feels selfish of me," Sayaka mutters. "And it wouldn't be fair. You shouldn't have to hide it for my sake."

"I wouldn't mind at all. We wouldn't have to keep it a secret from our friends, right?" Sayaka nods slowly. Mukuro continues. "No one else really matters to me." She suppresses a wince, not able to ignore the most important part any longer. "I'm still not sure how Junko-chan would react to it though."

"I really don't think Junko-chan would mind, but you know her better than me..."

"I'm not concerned about Junko-chan being homophobic... but anyway," Mukuro cuts herself off -- she's almost said too much. Changing the subject seems like a good idea. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I was being rude, I think." She doesn't really think she was, but her curt demeanor may have come across as it.

"No, you weren't. You were just trying to be honest with me, right?"

"If I was honest, I would just tell you about my past." Mukuro mumbles.

"Mukuro, we've talked about this..."

"Yes, but-"

"Can we please not talk about this again?" Sayaka takes her teacup and raises it, though halfway up to her mouth she lowers it again. "Look, I... if you really think I won't want to talk to you after you told me about your past... isn't it okay to enjoy the time up until that point?"

"What do you mean by that?" Mukuro asks.

"I mean... let's say hypothetically, I wouldn't want to talk to you anymore after hearing your past. Since I like you so much, that'd obviously make me feel terrible. If you're so sure that's gonna happen, why not let me enjoy the time with you until it does?"

Mukuro isn't impressed by her logic. "But you would regret spending more time with me if you ended up hating me," she argues. "Wouldn't it hurt your feelings even more if you hated me after spending so much time together? If I told you about it earlier, then at least it wouldn't be as bad..."

"I think that really wouldn't matter by now." Sayaka says. "I'm already in love with you, Mukuro. If I feel any stronger about you, I think I'm gonna burst."

"Sayaka..." Mukuro stares down on her lap, unable to meet Sayaka's eyes. She hates the fact that she's so touched. These words shouldn't be making her feel so good. She really is nothing but a selfish coward. "I love you too. That's why it feels wrong not to tell you. Because I don't deserve your love."

"That's not your decision to make. And what if I don't deserve your love either?"

"My love isn't worth anything. You deserve to be loved by someone better than me."

"Mukuro..." Sayaka murmurs, sounding close to sighing. "Can I hold your hand?"

Mukuro nods, loathing herself for being unable to refuse.

Sayaka takes her right hand into both of hers. She brings it up to her lips and kisses it softly, right where Mukuro's tattoo used to be before she removed it recently.

Sayaka giggles when Mukuro's hand starts trembling in response to the kiss. "You're so cute," she tells her. "And there is no one better to me than you. It's true that I don't know what you've done, but if you really were that bad... then you're clearly not that person anymore. The Mukuro I know is caring and sweet." She kisses her hand again. "And I love her very much."

"What if I still am that person?" Mukuro asks quietly, ignoring the way her heart is fluttering. "What if I'm just making an exception for you?"

Sayaka is silent for what feels like a long time. Eventually, she asks a question that shocks Mukuro. "What if I don't mind that?"

"What?"

"I... I don't think that came out right." Sayaka winces. "But I mean... you would never hurt me, right?"

 _'I would never.'_ Mukuro opens her mouth to respond with these three simple words, but stops herself. She can't bring herself to tell this lie. "I..."

"... Mukuro?"

"I wouldn't want to... please, believe me. I would never want to hurt you."

"Oh, Mukuro." Sayaka squeezes her hand with a gentleness that makes her want to cry. Seeing Sayaka's fingers brushing against her wolf bracelet causes the urge to be even stronger somehow. "I know you wouldn't want to. I'm sorry for asking that question. I know how bad you feel about not telling me yet. It's okay, really."

Of course Sayaka would misunderstand her thoughts. Of course it would never occur to Sayaka that Mukuro thought of something different when she'd heard the word 'hurt'.

Mukuro feels like she's going to throw up. Not correcting Sayaka is a lie in itself. She pulls back her hand, just stopping short of yanking it away.

"Please... can we talk about something else?" She asks.

She really is nothing but a selfish, disgusting hypocrite. Nothing but a pathetic coward.

"Of course we can," Sayaka answers. "But maybe you want that haircut now? Oh, but first you should drink the rest of your tea."

Mukuro abruptly gulps it down in one go. "The haircut would be nice." She says.

Sayaka giggles. "See, stuff like that is one of the reasons why I love you. You're funny."

It wasn't really meant to be funny, but Mukuro is glad she can make Sayaka feel better. "I thought we weren't supposed to say that to each other anymore..." She mumbles.

"Oh." Sayaka's eyes widen, and she covers her mouth with her right hand. "Sorry, Mukuro... I really didn't mean to-"

"It's fine," Mukuro interrupts. "It's not your fault. I like hearing it, but..." She trails off awkwardly. They both know why it's a bad idea.

"Well, I guess we've already broken the rule before... I said it two times more than you though." Sayaka is the one to stare down on her lap this time. "Maybe... you could say it another two times too?"

Feeling her face burn up, Mukuro quietly mumbles: "I love you, Sayaka." She knows it's a bad idea, but can't help it. Besides, Sayaka asked her to do it.

"I love you too." Sayaka says without looking up.

"You said it again..."

"Oh... guess you'll have to say it two more times now."

"You're teasing me..." Mukuro weakly accuses, feeling dizzy. She isn't sure how many more times she can say the words to Sayaka. It feels so good to say the words, but every time she does... it feels like a betrayal.

"I'm not." Sayaka denies. "I just... really like hearing that from you."

"I love you." Mukuro repeats, her heart beating so fast it's almost painful. She's weak, so pathetically weak. "I... really love you."

"You're so cute." Sayaka squeals, burying her face in her hands. "I almost can't take it."

"Not as cute as you," Mukuro asserts. "Sometimes when I look at you, I can't believe how pretty you really are..."

Sayaka lowers her hands, her face beet red. "G-Geez..."

"I know you probably hear that all the time," Mukuro mutters. "But you're really one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen. You're just... really pretty."

"You probably don't hear it often enough," Sayaka begins, smiling. "But you're one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen too. And you're not even trying."

"I'm really not..."

"Yes, you are! I swear! I swear by the pink keychain you've given to me!"

If this goes on any further, she'll faint. "I swear too, by the bracelet you've given to me."

Sayaka giggles. "I never said I didn't believe you. I probably _am_ one of the prettiest girls you've ever seen."

The boasting is oddly charming. It reminds her of... Junko, she supposes. Mukuro smiles. "You and Junko-chan are the most beautiful girls in the entire world." She tells Sayaka.

"You're still too loyal to your sister!" Sayaka complains. "It's really cute, but also frustrating!"

Mukuro suddenly feels uncomfortable. There is a short silence. "... Weren't you supposed to cut my hair?" She brings up after an awkward pause.

"Right! Yeah!" Sayaka lets out a nervous laugh. "Sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I really do think you're incredibly pretty though."

"I believe you." Mukuro says, and she supposes she does. Sayaka wouldn't lie to her, right? Because Sayaka isn't a selfish, cowardly liar. Unlike her.

"I'm glad! Okay, we're gonna have to go in front of the bathroom mirror for that! I think I did a fine job with Mikan-san yesterday, but I'm still kinda nervous..."

"As long as it's short, I don't really care what it looks like. You've done a good job with Mikan-san's hair."

"That's a bad attitude to have! Your hair is important!"

"It's important that it's short." Mukuro says flatly.

"Geez!" Sayaka huffs, but can't help giving a short laugh. It doesn't sound nervous this time, which Mukuro is glad for. "How about I'll cut it until it reaches like... a bit past your ears?"

"That sounds fine."

Seeing as her hair isn't that long to begin with, it's a bit strange how much time Sayaka proceeds to spend on it. She supposes it makes sense -- Sayaka tries her hardest to be careful. Either way, it doesn't matter. There is ample time before Mukuro has to meet Junko.

When Sayaka is done, she holds up a handheld mirror for her to inspect the back of her head. Mukuro can't see anything wrong, and says as much.

"You look really pretty, Mukuro. Short, bobbed hair suits you a lot." Sayaka says while combing through her hair one last time.

"Thank you," Mukuro mutters, embarrassed. The feeling of Sayaka going through it feels better than she'd care to admit. "You're good at cutting hair."

"Looks like I can be a hair stylist if being a singer doesn't end up working out!" Sayaka jokes. "It's a shame about that pixie cut!"

"I still don't know what that is."

"You should Google it! You'll see what you missed out on!"

Mukuro doubts she's missed out on anything, but doesn't want to say so. There's something else on her mind anyway. She looks at her phone and almost drops it in shock. She's late. "Sayaka, I'm sorry, but I have to leave. I need to run an errand for Junko-chan. I'm late."

"Oh?" Sayaka blinks. "That's okay, Mukuro! Sorry for taking so long for your hair."

"I should have mentioned it at the start," Mukuro says. "It's not your fault. But I really have to go now. See you tomorrow."

"Bye bye!"

Leaving the room, Mukuro is at least glad that Sayaka wasn't upset she had to leave -- or at least didn't show it. She briskly walks down the hallway and out of the building, just short of running.

She really hopes Junko is in a good mood.

That conversation just now though... Sayaka really tries to give her a lot of excuses to carry on with her cowardice, doesn't she? If she knew...

Mukuro feels sick. She wants to be selfish, but she hates herself for it too. Can she really just... carry on like this? Until the end of the year? She can almost hear Junko's words from over a month ago.

_"Isn't that deal just some pathetic attempt at stalling for time? For the sake of your own self-gratification?"_

Junko was completely right. Mukuro knew that even back then, but...

 _"And what's more, the deal was about what you_ did _. Don't you think Sayaka-chan might be more interested in what_ will _happen?"_

She's never forgotten about that either... but...

She doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to lose Sayaka, but going on like this...

_"You've finally accepted being selfish!"_

She wishes she could just accept it. If she did, then surely she could stop feeling guilty. It would all be so easy, wouldn't it?

Mukuro knows she's a bad person. So then why is it so hard to accept it now? Sayaka being an exception... it's laughable, isn't it?

Is it though? In a way, Junko is her exception too. She doesn't care about anyone except her sister. And now there's Sayaka... and her other friends...

It's too many people. She cares about way too many people... but it feels nice. It's a good feeling to have friends.

She doesn't want to lose them... but if the choice was between them and Junko...

Maybe there doesn't have to be a choice? It's a ridiculous thought, one that feels traitorous, but maybe Junko would... spare them? If Mukuro begged enough for their lives? If she promised Junko she'd do anything in return?

They both know Mukuro would do everything for her sister either way though. It'd be an empty promise.

Still, there has to be something she can do. Something where both sides would be happy.

Mukuro swallows. She's terrified of even bringing it up -- Junko found the idea amusing over a month ago, but that was different. Both because it was just Sayaka, not anyone else, and because Mukuro immediately assured her that she regretted thinking it. Junko might punish her severely for actually asking.

But Mukuro has to try. For Sayaka and her friends.

She has to try. She'll despise herself even more if she doesn't.

And if Junko hurts her... well...

She'll deserve the pain either way.

* * *

 


	2. Due

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this ended up being a lot again!
> 
> I rated it M to be sure, since there's some allusions to sexual themes. I have no idea how the Ratings system on this site works, like, where the lines are so... yeah! It's nothing overt though.
> 
> Also, my gf drew short-haired Mikan: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/167022297581 (she's so beautiful)

* * *

 

"What the hell are you so late for?" Junko asks as soon as Mukuro arrives, obviously not in the good mood she was hoping for. "Did you and Sayaka-chan take too long to fuck?!"

Mukuro flinches. She spots Someya standing nearby, studying one of his stuffed animals and pretending not to listen. He already knows about Sayaka and her, so a crude joke probably won't make anything worse. Still, she wishes that Junko wouldn't make these kind of comments -- or at least that they were alone right now. "I'm sorry, Junko-chan," she says. "Sayaka cut my hair and I lost track of time."

"Right, your hair _is_ shorter!" Junko exclaims, apparently having forgotten she was angry just a moment ago. "I still think you'd look less ugly with long hair, but you've never cared for your looks anyway! Not that it'd make much of a difference either."

"Can we just get this over with?!" Someya snaps. "What do you want in the old school building, Enoshima?"

"You'll see! Follow me!" Junko commands, taking out a key. She unlocks the door and waltzes into the building. Someya walks in too, followed by Mukuro. She closes the door behind them. It's not the first time Junko and her have been here, since this is where the killing game is supposed to take place in the future.

Or at least Junko has predicted it would.

The old school building is in surprisingly good shape, all in all. Mukuro supposes someone must clean it regularly despite it not being used anymore, and she wonders why anyone would bother. Maybe someone does use it and she just can't think of a good reason as to why.

She faintly hears Junko echoing these thoughts to Someya as well. Surprisingly, the boy has a response ready. "Of course it's regularly maintained. Kamukura Izuru built this -- it's how Hope's Peak Academy started out."

"So you're saying they're doing it, 'cause they're sentimental?" Junko asks, like she finds the thought to be incredibly amusing.

"Probably." Someya says. "I've heard a rumor they're doing it in case there's a nuclear war or something and they want to shelter the Ultimates in here, but that sounds ridiculous."

"Yeah! If anything, they'd drop the nuke right on top of us. Why take the risk?"

Someya scoffs. "Why would anyone bomb us to begin with? Unless you've annoyed some foreign president... which I wouldn't put past you."

"You sure know how to flatter a girl!" Junko squeals, causing Someya to make a disgusted noise.

"Why are we here again?" He asks.

"Right, right! Soooo..." Junko grins. "I'm gonna point you to a few rooms here and you're gonna design secret rooms within them! Easy peasy, right?"

"... You're serious, aren't you?" Someya asks flatly. "I'm the Ultimate Architect, not the Ultimate Wizard. How do you expect me to design that without having this building's blueprints?"

"Why, but I have them right here!" Junko reaches inside her cardigan and pulls a bunch of rolled up blueprints outside. Mukuro recognizes them as the copies she made of the original blueprints near the start of the school year. That operation was pretty easy -- the security in Hope's Peak Academy isn't terrible, but it could be a lot better. "They're actually called whiteprints though. Are you sure you're the Ultimate Architect?"

"Most people only know what 'blueprint' means, so I'm using it for convenience's sake." Someya gives her a suspicious look. "How on earth do you have these? And how did you get a key for this building?" Mukuro wonders that herself -- she's not the one who stole it, at least. Her sister probably talked someone into giving the key to her.

Junko snickers. "Do you _really_ wanna know, Someya-chan? Do you wonder why I want the secret rooms to begin with too?"

Someya takes the whiteprints. "You're not paying me to wonder," he says. "Anyway, I'm going to need to measure-"

"Booooring!" Junko exclaims, yawning in an exaggerated manner. "You can do that on your own, right? I wanna talk to my big sis for a while. I wrote down what I want from you, don't worry!"

"You _wrote_ on the blueprints?!" Someya asks, horrified.

"Whiteprints." Junko corrects, rolling her eyes. "Relax, bowlcut. These are just copies. I have more of them in a safe location."

"How on earth-" Someya sighs. "I don't want to know. I'm going to check out the data center first, then." He moves to leave, but before he can take more than a step, Junko's voice causes him to stop.

"Hey Someya-chan, quick question! Your friend, the lovely Ikuta Kotomi, she's the Ultimate Physicist, right?"

"Yes." Someya affirms, turning around to give her a venomous glare. He always gets angry when Junko brings up that friend of his. "Why?"

"She's, like, suuuuper smart! Right?!"

"Yes."

"She's, like, a genius! Right?"

"Get to the point, Enoshima!"

Junko laughs. "Oh, I was just wondering! Do you think she'd be smart enough to build me some stuff too? She built the air purifier in here, didn't she? And in her first year, no less!"

"In _here_? She did tell me about building an air purifier in our first year, but why is it- nevermind." Someya mutters before cutting himself off.

"What about Sonia-chan?" Junko gasps. "Did _she_ build it?"

"What are you- oh, the Ultimate Princess." Someya rolls his eyes. "You're not funny, Enoshima. Screw you for making me think of that Souda creep too. Anyway. Kotomi-san can build a lot of things, but it depends. She'd ask what it was for."

"You mean she has more scruples than you? I never would've guessed!" Junko gasps in mock surprise. "Don't worry your tiny little head about it. I'll go to her myself and-"

"No!" Someya cuts her off sharply. "I don't want you around Kotomi-san. If you want her to build or design something for you, tell me instead. I'll ask her about it."

Junko makes a show of considering the idea, before shrugging. "Works for me! Now shoo! Me and Mukuro-chan will be in the cafeteria while you do your thing! Have fun!"

Evidently just glad to get away from them, Someya walks away and up the nearby staircase without another sound.

Mukuro supposes she should be glad to see him leave, but right now all she can think of is that Junko will ask her about Sakakura. She follows her sister to the cafeteria, a sinking feeling in her chest.

Once in there, Junko sits down at one end of the biggest table and puts her feet on it. "You know what sucks?" She asks Mukuro, who's sitting down on her right side. "That they don't bother having food in here! I could really use some crappy cafeteria food right now!"

"Do you want an energy bar, Junko-chan?" Mukuro reaches up to her breast pocket. She knows she has one or two of those with her, next to her phone.

"That's such boring food, sis," Junko sighs, intertwining her hands and putting them behind her head. "But hey! You're a boring girl, so that's only fitting! Don't feel too bad about it."

"If you're hungry, I can get you something else too."

"Nah, I'm good. Anyway!" Junko focuses on her more now. "Tell me more about your date with Sayaka-chan!"

Mukuro blinks. She expected her sister to ask about Sakakura, not this. "Junko-chan," she begins uncertainly. "You've already asked me about that."

"Yeah, but before you could tell me more, you ended up ruining my mood." Junko smiles thinly. "Don't worry, sis! I haven't forgotten! Now, tell!"

"I'm not sure we should talk about this in here," Mukuro says, fidgeting uncomfortably. "Someya could be listening-"

"Don't care! Besides, Someya-chan wouldn't do that. He wants to know as little as possible. Tell!"

"Okay." Mukuro tries to think of something, but fails to do so. "I don't really know what to say..."

Junko rolls her eyes. "God, you really can't do anything right. Fine, guess I'll just have to poke and prod. Hmmm... did she like that tea set you got for her?"

"I think so, yes." Mukuro has to suppress a smile at the thought. She's still glad she could find something nice for Sayaka in time.

"It's a shame I only gave Sayaka-chan some make-up! If I'd known what would happen during her birthday with the two of you, I would've given her a dildo or something."

Mukuro feels herself tensing up. "Junko-chan, please-"

"Oh, shut up!" Junko rolls her eyes. "You need to learn how to take a joke, sis." She sighs. "Buuuut if you get this upset over it, I'll stop."

"Thank you, Junko-chan." Mukuro says, feeling both guilty and relieved. "I'm sorry for being so sensitive..."

"Honestly! You've seen dead babies -- and probably killed some yourself -- but sex jokes are where you draw the line?! Ridiculous!"

"I've never killed a baby..."

"Whatever! Anyway, where were we? Right, your date with Sayaka-chan!"

"I'm not sure what else to say about it." Mukuro tries to think of something. "Um, I suppose I enjoyed playing laser tag more than I thought I would. Maybe Sayaka and I will do that some more in the future. Do you want to come with us if we do?"

"More fun than you thought, huh?" Junko asks, seeming to be very amused by the notion. "Is it 'cause you pretended you were shooting people for real? Is it 'cause something like laser tag comes closest to your time with your murder pals?"

"I didn't think of anything like that." Mukuro protests. "It was just... fun. I can't really say why. It just was."

"Wow, so you're actually able to have _fun_! I never thought I'd see the day!"

"But I told you I had a lot of fun when we went to the mall together a while back." Mukuro hesitates, before asking a timid question. "Maybe we could do that again?"

Junko guffaws. "Do you seriously think I had any fun back then?" She sneers. "Spending time with you is despairingly dull. I guess I'd forgotten and just needed the reminder -- why else do you think we haven't really done anything since then?"

"I..." Mukuro knows she's boring of course, but that doesn't mean Junko's words don't hurt. "I thought you were having fun that day..."

"Aw, sis!" Junko sighs. "You were just so embarrassingly eager to spend time with me that even I, the queen of despair herself, couldn't help but feel bad for you! I just pretended to have fun, dumbass! It's really quite astounding, you know! Being able to inspire the feeling of pity in me... guess you're just that pathetic."

Mukuro lowers her gaze. She supposes this shouldn't have come as a surprise. "I'm sorry for disappointing you, Junko-chan," she mumbles. "I tried really hard not to be boring."

"Well, I guess it's not your fault. You have, like, a super traumatizing backstory! Our parents never paid enough attention to you, you were homeless... oh wait," Junko exclaims in mock surprise. "That's what _I_ went through too! And look at how fascinating I am! What's _your_ excuse?"

"I don't know..."

"Did they beat the humor out of you in Fenrawr or whatever that shit was called?" Junko pauses. "Did _I_ beat it out of you? Nah, wait, you never had any to begin with!"

Mukuro never knows how to deal with Junko when she shoots insults out like a fully automatic machine gun, so she usually decides to stay quiet. Like now.

Junko rolls her eyes. "The silent treatment, huh? I was bored anyway, so whatever."

"Hey, Junko-chan," Mukuro begins. She figures that changing the subject is the best course of action right now. She wanted to ask the question later anyway. "I was thinking-"

"Wow, you can do that? Whoops, reflex! Proceed."

"... I was thinking about something. Did you change the schedule for your plans?"

Junko hums, giving her a searching look. "What makes you think that?"

Mukuro elaborates. "It's just that you seem to be taking your time more than you said you would. I was wondering if there was a reason for that."

"You got me!" Junko exclaims, throwing up her hands. "Yeah, it's like, the despair is gonna be better if it has more build-up, I guess! No use rushing things! Takes a lot of time to turn some of the students here into my devoted minions too, y'know?"

Mukuro nods slowly, suppressing a wince. She was trying to be ambiguous, in case anyone was listening in on them. Which is unlikely, but one can't be too careful. Junko doesn't seem to care at all though. "That makes sense," she says. "Planning something like this in just a year sounds almost impossible, even for someone as smart as you. I'm sure you could do it if you really wanted to though."

"Oh, stop kissing my ass!" Junko snorts. "But yeah. And besides, I've kinda been busy with thinking of other stuff too. Like my amazing murder maze! And thinking about why Mikan-chan seems to be avoiding me recently!" She taps her chin with her index finger three times. "Hey, hasn't that started ever since she became friends with you? Weird coincidence, huh?"

Mukuro swallows. It's not the first time Junko has brought that up, but it's the first real accusation. "I haven't told her anything-"

"Obviously!" Junko makes a show of rolling her eyes. "Really, sis. As if I'd ever consider the notion of you telling on me! It's ridiculous! Why would a dog randomly change its owner like that? Doesn't make sense."

"R-Right. I would never do that." Mukuro agrees, feeling relieved that Junko isn't doubting her.

"God, that sounds so insincere even though I know you're telling the truth. Don't ever try to fool anyone, Mukuro-chan. You'd suck at it." Junko snickers. "Anyway, let's go back to Sayaka-chan! I'm curious, are you two just gonna pretend nothing ever happened?"

"I'm not sure," Mukuro mumbles. "We said the... the words to each other again today, but..."

"I have a suggestion!" Junko swings her legs off the table and leans forward, a wide smile on her face. "How about you two become part time girlfriends!"

Mukuro blinks. "What?"

"Part time girlfriends! Like, when you're on your own you act as girlfriends, but afterwards you'll be just normal friends again!"

"I'm not sure that sounds like a good idea." Mukuro says, though the selfish part of her does find the idea appealing. "Wouldn't that just make us feel worse? I can't do that to Sayaka either..."

"Right, you still don't entirely get how selfish you really are. That's still a thing, I guess." Junko drawls, before leaning back again and yawning. "I'm bored with this. Tell me about Sakakura now."

Mukuro suppresses a flash of panic. "... I'm not sure we should talk about that in here." She says. She just wants to stall for more time, but she knows she's making a good point.

"Don't care. Tell me now!"

Is Sakakura actually in love with Munakata? Maybe she was just projecting? Maybe covering Yukizome's face meant something else entirely? Maybe... maybe...

Maybe she should think on it more.

"I... I'm not sure I really saw anything. I don't want to bore you with mere speculations, Junko-chan."

"So..." Junko drawls. "You have nothing right now. Is that it?"

"I... I don't." Mukuro lies, feeling very cold right now. "I'm sorry."

Her sister is silent after that response. Mukuro isn't looking at her, but almost _feels_ Junko's eyes boring into her skin.

"I wonder," Junko eventually says. "Are you such a disappointment when you're with Sayaka-chan too? Maybe that's why she likes you to begin with! You're making her look better by association! Or maybe..." Her voice gets lower. "It's just a physical thing? Maybe she just thinks you're hot? As hard as it is to imagine anyone could think of you that way." She waits for a few seconds. "Mukuro-chan, if you're giving me the silent treatment again, I'll rip out your tongue. Since you obviously don't wanna use it."

Mukuro forces herself to speak. "Sayaka calls me pretty sometimes," she mumbles. "I don't know if that means she finds me... physically attractive."

"Yeah, gee, I wonder!" Junko snickers. "Hey, do you think Sayaka-chan is gonna dump you after she gets to fuck you?"

Mukuro goes rigid. "Junko-chan, you said you wouldn't-"

"And _you_ said you'd find dirt on Sakakura. Guess we were both not being entirely honest, huh?"

The way Junko words herself causes Mukuro to feel guilty again. She lied to her sister, no matter how she wants to spin it. She deserves to feel uncomfortable right now. "I'm sorry." She mutters.

"Tell that to Sayaka-chan once you have to break it to her that you can't let her fuck you, since you're such an awkward weirdo!"

"Sayaka wouldn't mind." Mukuro says automatically.

"Oh?" Junko asks, her lips quirking up. "You think you can have a relationship without sex, Mukuro-chan? You think Sayaka-chan would be satisfied with holding hands and kisses or whatever all her life? Once she got bored of you, she'd leave you. Which, now that I think about it, would happen anyway. 'Cause you're just inherently boring!"

"But-"

"Oh sure, people talk all big and claim they could be in a relationship without sex. That, like, just _being_ with the other person is enough." Junko retches. "Total bullshit!"

"... I don't think that's true." Mukuro says. She usually wouldn't talk back to her sister like this, but she has to defend Sayaka.

Junko snorts. "Of course _you'd_ think that. Prude that you are."

"I just can't imagine Sayaka would leave me over that." Mukuro mumbles. "If I explained to her that I'm uncomfortable with it, she would understand..."

"It's cute how you actually believe that." Junko says, her voice laced with a feigned sweetness. "If Sayaka-chan asked you why though, what would you tell her?"

Mukuro meets her sister's seething glare. She understands the undercurrent of anger in Junko's voice. "I would tell her I've seen too many things during my time in Fenrir."

Junko's glare softens somewhat. "Well, I guess that's one way to put it." She says with an air of sardonicism.

"I suppose I could tell her that I might want to..." Mukuro pauses, feeling incredibly immature for being so hesitant to say the word. "To have sex in the future, but that I can't promise anything."

"How _reasonable_ of you." Junko mocks.

The following silence feels cold and oppressive. Mukuro thinks about their discussion just now. Would Sayaka really get bored of her? Does a relationship really need sex? She hasn't ever considered anything like that. She doesn't know enough about relationships to be able to tell... and Junko has never been in a real relationship either, as far as she knows. Surely her sister knows more than her though?

"Junko-chan," Mukuro begins, staring down at her lap. "Do you think that... that it's bad if I don't want to have sex?"

"I never said it's _bad_. It's not, like, your fault you're such a prude. I guess." Junko allows, rolling her eyes. "Expecting sex in a relationship is realistic. Sayaka-chan would expect sex from you. If you didn't give it to her, she'd be disappointed and probably end up leaving you. I'm just brutally honest with you, sis."

What Junko says makes sense, and yet... Mukuro still doesn't want to believe it. What if Sayaka really did leave her over this though? How awful would that feel?

It's not like Sayaka and her are actually in a relationship, but even so... it bothers her anyway. If they were in a relationship, she wouldn't want to disappoint Sayaka.

If having sex is such a realistic expectation, then she shouldn't blame Sayaka for wanting it, should she? Wouldn't... she be selfish and thoughtless for witholding sex even though it's an expectation?

"Do you..." Mukuro feels sick at the thought of what the answer might be, but she needs to ask. "Do you think I should force myself to...?" She can't quite finish that question. The mere idea fills her with dread, but she could do it for Sayaka. If Sayaka really wanted her to.

Junko is quiet for some time. "No," she says eventually, no trace of mockery in her voice now. "Don't ever force yourself to do that kind of thing, Mukuro-chan."

Mukuro breathes a sigh of relief. "What if Sayaka wanted me to though?" She asks quietly.

"Then she wouldn't love you." Junko says. "Do you _seriously_ think Sayaka-chan would pressure you into doing that?"

"But..." Despite the relief she feels at Junko's words, they feel contradictory to what her sister was saying before. "If it's a realistic expectation-"

"That doesn't mean she'd have any right pressuring you!" Junko retorts angrily, but oddly enough, the emotion doesn't seem to be directed at her. "If she wasn't able to be with you without sex, she'd just have to explain that to you and let you down gently or something! Making you feel guilty for it would be seriously fucking scummy, you dumbass!"

"Then..." Mukuro mumbles, her brows furrowing. "Why are you always making fun of me for it?"

"What?" Junko asks, her lips parted in surprise.

Something tells Mukuro she shouldn't have brought it up, but the more she thinks about it the more confused she feels. "I just..." She begins carefully. "I just don't understand why... even though you said all of that, why are you always calling me a prude? Why are you bringing up sex even though you know it makes me uncomfortable? If you think it's okay that I don't want to have sex, why are you mocking me for it...?"

Junko stares at her for a moment. "Mukuro-chan," she says. "Did you forget who I am or something? Just because it's okay for you to be a prude doesn't mean I won't make fun of you for it. You want me to coddle you or something, huh? That's not how I work."

"When you said it would be bad of Sayaka to pressure me into it, I just..." Mukuro trails off. She swallows, trying to muster up the courage to say it. "I just... when you call me a prude, it feels like I'm being pressured by you as well. That's why... I would really like if you stopped doing that. If- if that's okay..."

The words hang in the air. Junko is quiet for a while, just looking at her with an indecipherable expression. Mukuro feels she has to continue -- what little she's just said feels really lacking now that she thinks about it.

"Junko-chan," she says softly. "What you said back there about how I shouldn't have to force myself... it meant a lot to me. I'm so sorry if I come across as ungrateful, but I promise that I'm not. Thank you for saying that. I would just really like if you could stop calling me those things... please?" She smiles shakily at her sister.

For a brief moment, Junko looks thoughtful, but then it's gone. "Soooo... how long do you think it'd take until Sayaka-chan wanted to fuck?" She asks cheerfully.

Mukuro's smile dies. "Junko-chan..."

But Junko is relentless. "Hey, when you two hug, does it feel nice to have her tits pressing against yours? Isn't that too much for you though? Do you feel uncomfortable whenever you two hug? Must be hard, enjoying the simple things for a prude like you!"

"I don't-"

"Y'know, I was thinking maybe you two should just bring in a third party! Y'know, someone who fucks her for you. Since you're too inept to do it yourself!"

"Please stop." Mukuro whispers.

"If I may suggest someone," Junko begins, her voice low. "How about me? If you're just that much of a prude, I could fuck Sayaka-chan in your stead! Show her what she'd be missing out on! Must be awful to be with some awkward, repressed _prude_ like you."

Why does Junko keep saying these things? Why can't she just stop? Why does she insist on making her so uncomfortable? To make her angry again? To get her to lash out?

Mukuro isn't feeling any anger right now -- she only feels sick to her stomach. "Junko-chan," she says quietly. "Please. I'm begging you to stop saying these things."

Junko's lips curl up to form something that resembles a smile, but not at all looks like one. "Begging is usually done on the knees, Mukuro-chan."

After a slight pause, Mukuro gets up from her chair. "And..." She mumbles, rubbing her arm. "If I do that, you will stop?"

"I'll consider it." Junko answers, a smirk on her face. "What're you waiting for?"

Balling her hands into fists, Mukuro gets on her knees. She bows slightly. "Please stop saying things to make me uncomfortable." She mumbles, hanging her head low.

"Nope."

Mukuro looks up to her sister, feeling betrayed. "You said-"

"I said: 'I'll consider it'. I did, and decided against it." Junko hums. "Maybe if you show me more devotion though..."

This time, Mukuro bows until her forehead nearly touches the ground. "Please stop saying things to make me uncomfortable." She repeats through gritted teeth, telling herself over and over that the shame she's feeling right now is nothing in comparison to the discomfort she feels whenever Junko calls her all those awful things.

Junko laughs shrilly. "You're actually doing it! I can't believe it! How fucking pathetic can you get?" She steps on Mukuro's head, grinding her forehead into the floor. "Now ask me again!"

Humiliation surging through her entire body, Mukuro speaks. "Pl-Please stop saying things to make me uncomfortable." She isn't sure how much more of this she can take.

Right when Junko is about to speak again, Mukuro hears the sound of a door opening and Someya's voice rings through the empty cafeteria. "Hey Enoshima, I- what on earth are you _doing_?"

"You're back early, Someya-chan." Junko says. She snickers. "Oh, don't worry about it. My stupid, ugly sister just forgot her place for a moment so I had to remind her." She removes her boot from Mukuro's head and brings it down again, albeit there isn't much force behind it.

Mukuro is glad there aren't any sharp heels this time either.

"Stop that!" Someya's voice sounds almost comically high. "Or- or I'll go to a teacher!"

"Relax, bowlcut." Junko removes her boot again, but doesn't bring it down on Mukuro's head this time. "My sister doesn't mind. She deserved this. Am I right, sis?"

With a shaky slowness, Mukuro stands up. "Yes." She mutters, not taking her eyes off the floor.

"I knew there was something wrong with you, Enoshima! But this is-"

"This is what?" Junko asks, as though she genuinely wants to know.

"It's abuse!" Someya insists. "I-I should report you!"

Junko laughs, long and loud. "Who's gonna believe you, bowlcut?" She jeers. "Hey, sis! Am I abusing you?"

"Of course not." Mukuro says resolutely. She did deserve this, even if it felt awful. For lying to Junko about Sakakura earlier. She glares at Someya. "Junko-chan would never abuse me."

"That's right!" Junko agrees enthusiastically, slinging her arm over Mukuro's shoulder. "So, Someya-chan, what was it you wanted?"

Someya purses his lips. "I was going to show you the design I made for the secret room in the data center. Ask if it was alright and discuss the subject some more." He answers in a quiet mutter.

"Great! Let's go to the data center for that!" Junko pats Mukuro on the head. "You can stay here for that, sis. Might need some alone time after all that stuff, you know? Wait in the cafeteria meanwhile, okay?" When Junko moves to leave though, she abruptly turns around. "By the way! You still need to be punished for the thing earlier!"

Mukuro freezes. The lack of information regarding Sakakura.

Someya takes a step forward. "Enoshima, you-"

"I'm not gonna hurt her, Someya-chan." Junko says with a pout, grabbing Mukuro's right hand. "I can punish my stupid, big sister in other ways too." She reaches for the wolf bracelet.

Mukuro feels panic surging up in her. "Junko-chan, please don't," she begs. "Sayaka gave that to me."

"That's why it's an effective punishment." Junko explains, like she's talking to a toddler. She removes the wolf bracelet from Mukuro's hand, holding it up in front of her face. "Wow, that really _is_ pretty. How thoughtful of Sayaka-chan!" She drops it on the floor and stomps on it.

The only noise in the cafeteria for the next few seconds is the sound of Junko's boot hitting the floor over and over, the bracelet becoming increasingly mangled. When it finally breaks in two, Mukuro shuts her eyes forcefully.

Junko lets out a short, breathless laugh. "That was more exhausting than I thought. I really gotta work out more! Let's go, Someya-chan!" Without sparing anyone or anything a glance, Junko walks towards the door and leaves the room.

Someya doesn't make a move to follow her. After a few seconds of silence, she hears him walking towards her. "Are you okay, Ikusaba?" He asks, his voice unusually subdued.

"Junko-chan gave you an order." Mukuro tells him tonelessly, still staring at Sayaka's broken gift. "Go to the data center."

"I think she can wait for a minute or two." Someya mutters. "Did... did your girlfriend give that bracelet to you?"

"That's none of your business. And she isn't my girlfriend." Mukuro says, frowning at him. "Why are you still here? Making Junko-chan wait is a bad idea."

"I can fix the bracelet, you know?" Someya does his best to look anywhere but at her. "Just give me a day and-"

"No." Mukuro interrupts his offer. She picks up the bracelet and, with a painful feeling in her chest, throws it in the trash nearby. "Junko-chan destroyed it for a reason," she mumbles, more to herself than to him. "She doesn't want me to have it anymore."

"That's really messed up!" Someya's voice gets higher again, like before. "You realize what she just did was wrong, right? She can't just destroy your things like that! You can't let her get away with this!"

"Why do you care?" Mukuro asks him, suspicious of his sudden interest. She has no intention of explaining anything to him. "Leave already. Junko-chan is waiting."

"Hey, I'm not a saint or anything, but I can't just ignore when someone gets treated like this right in front of me." Someya argues. "Listen, I know he doesn't look like it, but Kizakura-sensei could probably-"

"No." Mukuro snaps. She shoots him a seething glare. "You won't tell anyone about this."

"Come on, I'm just trying to-"

Mukuro seizes his shoulders. She can't risk Junko getting into trouble. "If you tell anyone about this," she begins in a low, dangerous tone, putting more pressure on his shoulders for emphasis. "I will break your limbs one by one."

Someya's eyes widen. He starts stammering. "What- but... but I just-"

"Are we _clear_?" Mukuro shakes him once.

"... Y-Yes."

"Good." Mukuro lets go of him. "Now leave."

Someya stumbles backwards. When he opens the door to the cafeteria, he looks back at her with obvious anger in his eyes. "Wh-Whatever," he says, his voice still trembling. "Y-You and Enoshima deserve each other. Freaks." He leaves, slamming the door shut behind him.

 

-

 

Left alone in the cafeteria, Mukuro sits down on her previous spot. She looks at her right wrist. She's been wearing Sayaka's wolf bracelet for over a month every single day now. What is she going to tell her? That she just lost it? Sayaka will be disappointed with her...

Time passes slowly. She goes through her phone, reading previous messages with her friends. She really should ask them if she can have some pictures of them on her phone. It's probably going to be awkward -- with Mikan in particular -- but she'd feel better if she could look at them whenever she wants.

That's probably weird though, isn't it? She might not ask her friends for that after all... maybe she could at least ask Sayaka though. Surely, at this point, that wouldn't be considered weird anymore.

She can't say how much time passed when the door to the cafeteria opens.

"We're done," Someya tells her. "Enoshima went ahead. She said you should meet her in her room." Mukuro nods. When she's walking past him though, his voice causes her to stop. "I'm sorry."

She turns around. "What?" She asks.

"I'm sorry." Someya repeats, not meeting her eyes. "I shouldn't have said that stuff about Enoshima and you deserving each other. I was... upset, I guess."

Mukuro blinks. Of all the things she might have expected out of him, this wasn't one of them. "Is there a point to this?" She asks, puzzled.

Someya lets out something between a scoff and a snort. "You're really making it hard to be nice to you, Ikusaba," he says. "Anyway, I'm not going to waste my breath trying to convince you Enoshima is awful again, but... here." He fumbles in one of his pockets and takes one of his stuffed animals out. It's a tiny pink cat with a bow on its head. He holds it out to her.

She glances at the thing. "What do you expect me to do with that?"

"Give that to your girl- to Maizono-san." Someya mutters. "You're going to tell her you lost the bracelet or something, right? Maybe you're going to feel less bad about it if you can give a present to her."

"... Why do you care?" Mukuro repeats her question from before as she looks in Someya's face, her brows crinkling in confusion.

"This might be a shock for you, but most people feel bad when they see someone else who's obviously miserable." Someya tells her in a dry tone.

Mukuro presses her lips into a thin line. "I don't need your charity."

"Not even for Maizono-san? You obviously like her a lot." Someya retorts. "I read her blog, you know? I know she loves stuffed animals like this one."

He's right about that. Sayaka adores stuffed animals. Still... Mukuro looks at the pink cat uncertainly.

"For goodness' sake, just take it!" Someya huffs, and presses the stuffed animal into her hands.

Mukuro blinks at it, but slowly puts the cat in her breast pocket. She hesitates for a moment, not sure how to react, before uttering: "Thank you."

Someya makes a dismissive gesture. "It's fine. I know Maizono-san takes good care of her plushies. Duchess of Purrington will like it there, I'm sure." There's an awkward pause. "Aren't you gonna laugh at me now or something?" He mutters the question.

"No." Mukuro says.

"Oh. That's cool of you."

There is an uncomfortable silence.

"... I should probably get going." Mukuro mumbles.

"Yeah. Better not make Enoshima wait." Someya gives her a searching look. "She... she doesn't hit you or anything, right?"

"No," Mukuro says right away. "She doesn't."

Someya glances aside. She doesn't think he believes her. "Okay," he mumbles. "That's good. Well. Bye. I guess."

When Mukuro turns to leave, she suddenly feels a little ashamed of herself. She considers apologizing for threatening him earlier, but if she makes herself look weaker, he might think her threats were empty and tell a teacher about his suspicions after all.

Without another word, she walks away.

She isn't feeling any less confused about Someya's sudden kindness when she enters Junko's dorm room, but she can push that thought out of her mind now at least and focus on her sister.

"You wanted to see me, Junko-chan?"

Junko, currently in the process of applying lip gloss to herself, makes an affirmative noise. She smacks her lips once. "Want some?" She asks, holding the tube out to her.

"I'm good, thank you." Mukuro answers.

"Suit yourself! Now, what was it I wanted from you again. Hmm... oh, right!" Junko claps her hands together. "Sakakura! I want to hear about your speculations!"

The anxiety from before is suddenly back in full force. "Right. Sakakura." Mukuro says, fighting down the urge to run away. It should have been obvious that Junko would want to hear about it anyway. "I... did see something yesterday while I was observing him."

Junko gives her a curious glance. "Oh? Do tell."

"It was the way he was looking at the pictures of his childhood friends: Yukizome Chisa and Munakata Kyosuke." Mukuro continues, feeling a sickness spreading inside her stomach.

_"We're lucky that our friends are so supportive and don't mind it. We could've lost them."_

What if Sakakura's friends abandon him once they'll find out?

What if Sayaka had reacted like that? What if Aoi and Makoto had?

"Don't keep me in suspense, sis." Junko says. "What the hell's taking so long?"

"I'm sorry, Junko-chan," Mukuro mutters. "I don't really have any proof, just speculation..."

"I want to hear it anyway. _Obviously_." Junko sounds close to losing her patience.

"I think that Sakakura is in love with one of his childhood friends." Mukuro says in a pathetic attempt to stall for some more time. It doesn't stop shame from welling up inside of her. Maybe she should just get it over with already, but...

What would Sayaka think of her?

Junko raises her brows, a delighted smile on her face. "Who is it?" She asks eagerly. "Who? Imagine the despair that comes from being into one of your childhood friends while they're all lovey-dovey together! Don't tell me..." She grins widely. "Is it Munakata? Oh, that'd be so much better. I bet poor Sakakura would feel so much more ashamed of himself! Imagine being some macho man and then one day realizing you're hopelessly in love with your male friend, knowing the two of you can never be together! It must be so-"

"It's Yukizome."

It takes all of Mukuro's discipline not to break out into a cold sweat. This isn't like before. This isn't just stalling for time.

She's lying.

Actually lying to Junko.

Lying to her baby sister.

Her mouth was faster than her brain again. Junko was saying so many awful, terrible things... every word made Mukuro feel more and more sick until she couldn't take it anymore. She just wanted her sister to stop.

She didn't mean to lie. She really didn't. She just wanted Junko to _stop_.

"Aww, that's disappointing." Junko complains. "Oh well, this is good too! Why'd you suspect it to begin with?"

Mukuro's heart beats in her chest, almost violently so. This is her chance to admit to her lie. To ask for Junko's forgiveness. But... if Junko found out she was being lied to...

For some reason, she suddenly has to think of Someya. He was nice to her for absolutely no reason. They aren't friends.

So why?

Mukuro begins speaking, only faintly hearing her own voice.

"Sakakura was looking at a picture of the three of them together. He put his thumb over Munakata's face and smiled when it was just him and Yukizome. I took pictures, but they don't really prove anything."

Dread piles up inside of her. What is she doing? Why is she continuing this?

"It's unlike you to be too slow for stuff like that, sis. Guess it makes sense though. You're still such a newbie when it comes to romance. You were probably just shocked." Junko muses. "Whatever! Show me the pictures!"

Almost mechanically, Mukuro hands the pictures over. Her entire head feels hot, like she's going to pass out soon.

"Hmmm." Junko goes through the pictures, squinting at one or two of them. "I guess I could make it look like he's covering Munakata's face. Maybe this is enough on its own too though, since I know who he's in love with. Not sure. Either way, knowing about it to begin with is gonna give me some leverage."

"Maybe I was wrong though." Mukuro says tonelessly. "There could have been another reason for his actions. Maybe he just cares about both of them a lot. I may have misunderstood something. Knowing that both of them mean a lot to him would be enough information to manipulate him with either way, I think." It's not a lie this time. It's pretty obvious that despite some bitterness, Sakakura cares a lot about Yukizome. If Junko were to threaten her, he might cave too.

She can't bring herself to admit to her lie, but maybe she can at least prevent Junko from making a mistake. If her sister tried to blackmail Sakakura with the wrong information...

Junko looks very unimpressed with her right now though. "Really?" She asks flatly. "You 'may have misunderstood something'? How the hell do you misunderstand something like that?!"

Mukuro wets her very dry lips. When Junko gets that kind of tone, she usually makes sure that whoever made her angry regrets it. "I don't know," she mumbles. "But I think-"

"Ugh, whatever!" Junko snorts. "Figures. Just when I thought you actually did something right for once, you ruin it. Doesn't being a disappointment ever get old? I'm so bored of you."

Mukuro stares down at the floor. "I'm sorry-"

"Shut up! Just continue spying on the guy until you manage to gather some actual fucking evidence. Got it?!"

"Yes."

"You're lucky I've already punished you. But then again... maybe you'll learn your lesson better when I do it twice." Junko's hand shoots forward and grabs Mukuro's right wrist, yanking on it. Mukuro stumbles forward. "Maybe I should just cut if off this time." She suggests. "The poor thing's been suffering _so_ much abuse. Let's put it out of its misery, huh?"

Junko's nails dig into her flesh. Mukuro bites her on lower lip, stopping herself from trembling.

"Just kidding!" Junko says in her cutesy voice, letting go of her wrist. "Geez, do you really think I'd be _that_ cruel?"

"It's not cruel." Mukuro mumbles, the lie she's told still on her mind like a painful throbbing. "I would deserve it for being a disappointment."

"True!" Junko agrees. "Buuuut I'm feeling merciful today! Hey, by the way, did I tell you? We're going on vacation for most of our summer holidays! Hope you weren't expecting to spend them with Sayaka-chan or anything!"

Mukuro blinks. She hasn't been considering the summer holidays at all yet. "On vacation?" She asks stupidly.

Junko rolls her eyes. "Yeah, way to repeat what I just said. Are you channeling Naegi or something?" She sighs. "I'm having lots of model shoots in Europe all through August. I want my dependable older sister with me, y'know?"

"I'm looking forward to it." Mukuro says, giving her sister a small smile. It feels fake.

"Yeah, yeah, don't be mushy about. Anyway, I wanna be alone for a while. Shoo!"

Mukuro nods. "Alright. Have a nice evening, Junko-chan."

"Shoo!"

As soon as she leaves Junko's room, guilt starts seeping through her entire body.

She lied to Junko.

After entering her own room, Mukuro sits down on her bed.

She lied to Junko.

Mukuro feels sick, like she's about to throw up.

She lied to Junko.

When Mukuro buries her face in her hands, her arm brushes against the stuffed animal in her breast pocket, causing her to feel another burst of guilt. Sayaka's gift... the pretty wolf bracelet. Destroyed because of her stupidity.

She takes the pink cat Someya has given to her out and looks at it. Sayaka would probably really like it, wouldn't she? Is it really okay to give it to her?

Mukuro stands up, stuffing the cat back into her breast pocket. If she can't confess her lie to Junko, she can at least tell Sayaka about the bracelet.

Right now.

When she rings on Sayaka's doorbell, she hopes it's not too late already. They've spoken until roughly 6pm before, but still...

When Sayaka opens the door, the idol smiles immediately. "Good evening, Mukuro. I didn't expect you. Do you want to come in?"

"If you don't mind." Mukuro mumbles, walking into Sayaka's room and closing the door behind her.

"Of course not. Let me prepare some tea, okay?"

As soon as Sayaka moves to do as she says, Mukuro blurts out: "I'm sorry, Sayaka."

Sayaka turns around. "Mukuro?" She questions. "What do you mean?"

Mukuro rubs her arm. "I... I've broken the bracelet you gave to me. I'm sorry..." She mutters miserably.

"Oh." Instead of looking disappointed, Sayaka smiles at her. "Please don't feel too upset about it, Mukuro. I'm sure you didn't mean to."

"I didn't." Mukuro affirms. "But even so... I should have been more careful."

"We all break stuff from time to time." Sayaka assures her. "Aoi-chan, Makoto-kun, and Mikan-san more than most. Wow, now that I think about it, our friends are all pretty clumsy!" She giggles. "But seriously, it's okay! I just hope you weren't too upset when it happened."

"... I'm really sorry." Somehow, Sayaka being more concerned for her than for the gift that Mukuro has broken makes her feel more guilty than anything else.

"Can I hug you?"

Mukuro can't look the idol in the eyes, but that doesn't stop her from nodding. She's too weak to resist the temptation of being embraced by Sayaka right now.

Sayaka hugs her tightly, stroking her back with such a tenderness that Mukuro has to supress the urge to shudder. "It's okay, Mukuro," she murmurs. "Please don't feel bad. Of course I'm a bit sad that it's broken, but stuff like that happens sometimes. I'm not mad or upset, I promise."

Hesitantly, Mukuro hugs her back. "Thank you for not being mad." She mumbles. "I, um... I have something for you."

"Oh?" Sayaka asks, pulling back slightly.

Mukuro takes the tiny pink cat out of her breast pocket and presents it to Sayaka. "I hope you like it."

"Aww!" Sayaka coos, her eyes practically sparkling. She takes the stuffed animal and presses it to her chest. "It's really cute, Mukuro! Thank you so much!"

"Someone from the Student Council gave it to me," Mukuro says. She can't just let Sayaka think she got the gift for her personally. She knows she's dishonest, but she doesn't want to be _too_ dishonest. "He and Junko-chan spend time together sometimes. He saw me break the bracelet and knew it was a gift from you. He said he reads your blog and knows you like stuffed animals. He gave one of his to me and said I could give it to you."

Sayaka smiles brightly. "The Ultimate Architect, right? I've never talked to him before, but it's hard not to notice all the plushies on him." She frowns. "It sucks that people make fun of him for it though. It was really nice of him to give that kitty to us. Tell him I said thanks next time you see him, okay?"

"I will." Mukuro promises. She supposes she should repay Someya in some other way, but she can think of that some other time.

"Now!" Grinning, Sayaka holds up her newest stuffed animal. "What am I gonna call you, kitty? Any suggestions, Mukuro?"

"Um..." Mukuro blinks. "I believe Someya called her... Duchess of Purrington."

"That's a great name!" Sayaka exclaims in delight. "How embarrassed did saying that just now make you feel?"

"No comment." Mukuro mutters, feeling her cheeks burn.

"I'm not sure who's cuter! You? Or Duchess of Purrington?"

"Please stop saying that name."

Sayaka giggles. "Sorry. Hey, Mukuro..." She nervously bounces on her heels. "Do you want to stay for a while? If you're here already?"

There's nothing Mukuro would like better right now. Still, she doesn't want to be a bother. "I wouldn't want to intrude." She mumbles.

"You're not! Our talk earlier got cut short anyway, right? So it's okay to talk some more, I think."

Mukuro can't stop her lips from curling up a bit. "If you really don't mind..."

"I don't!" Sayaka chirps. She puts the pink cat in her own breast pocket, albeit its head peeks out. "I'm gonna carry the Duchess around with me like that from now on! She should feel proud of herself!"

"I'm sure she does." Mukuro says, fighting down the urge to smile even brighter. She can't help it -- Sayaka is just really cute.

This time, Sayaka prepares jasmine tea for them. It's not quite as good as green tea, but Mukuro supposes it comes pretty close.

As she chats with Sayaka, she feels the guilt of having lied to Junko weighing more and more on her mind until it becomes all she can think about. When they're done with talking about the oncoming swimming race with Aoi and Oogami, she feels the urge to talk to Sayaka about her troubles.

"Can I tell you something?"

Sayaka frowns, possibly realizing the subject is about to turn serious. "Of course, Mukuro," she says. "You can always talk to me about anything, you know?"

Mukuro nods. "I..." It's probably best to get it over with. "I've lied to Junko-chan. About something important. But I can't tell you about what... I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. You don't have to tell me." Sayaka looks thoughtful for quite some time. "Why did you lie to her?" She asks eventually. "I'm sure you wouldn't do that for no reason."

"Because... she wanted to know something, but it felt wrong to tell her." Mukuro mumbles. "And I feel horrible for not telling her... I hate lying to her..."

"If you say it felt wrong to tell her, I'm sure she'd understand."

"... She didn't understand. She- she was mad at me when I made up an excuse..."

"Oh." Sayaka gives her a sympathetic look. "You know better than anyone that Junko-chan will probably have forgotten about it by tomorrow. I'm sure it's gonna be alright."

"I've still lied to her." Mukuro argues. "I should tell her the truth, shouldn't I? But... it just feels wrong to tell her about this..."

"I think you should listen to yourself, Mukuro." Sayaka says. "I don't know what it's about, but I'd say to trust your instincts."

Sayaka's words only make her feel marginally better. "I don't understand why I lied," Mukuro mutters. "When she asked me, I just panicked and started lying... I wanted to tell her the truth afterwards, but couldn't bring myself to."

"If you say it's wrong to tell other people about it, then I believe you." Sayaka gives her a gentle smile. "Junko-chan wouldn't force you to tell her the truth, right? I'm sure she'd respect your wishes."

Mukuro stays silent for a while. Eventually, she succumbs to her own weakness and asks: "Can you hug me again, Sayaka?"

"Of course."

When Sayaka hugs her this time, Mukuro can feel the stuffed animal in the idol's breast pocket pressing against her. Somehow, the feeling of it is comforting.

Suddenly, she hears Junko's voice in her mind.

_"Hey, when you two hug, does it feel nice to have her tits pressing against yours? Isn't that too much for you though? Do you feel uncomfortable whenever you two hug? Must be hard, enjoying the simple things for a prude like you!"_

She immediately pulls back from the hug, suppressing the urge to curl up in a ball. She presses her hands to her skirt and stares down at her lap, cheeks burning with shame.

"Mukuro?" A startled Sayaka asks. "Wh-What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," Mukuro says quietly, not daring to look up. "I just... I got uncomfortable. I'm sorry for being weird."

"No, it's okay." Sayaka gives her a concerned look. "May I ask why you got uncomfortable though?"

Mukuro winces. "I don't... I'm not sure we should talk about this."

"We don't have to, but please don't think I'd get upset with you." Sayaka smiles at her, and continues in a gentle, soothing tone. "I respect your boundaries, okay? There's no way I'd get angry at you."

"I just..." Mukuro's fingers dig into the fabric of her skirt. "I don't want you to think I'm a prude..."

"A prude?" She doesn't have to look at Sayaka to know that she's blinking. "What makes you say that?"

Sayaka deserves to know that, doesn't she? And Mukuro is sick of withholding things from people. If she can't tell Junko, then at least...

"I don't want to say too much, but I was thinking..." Mukuro looks up hesitantly. "If we were in a relationship and I didn't want to have any..." She swallows. "Any... sex... would you leave me?"

Sayaka's confused expression softens right away. "Oh, Mukuro," she murmurs. "Of course I wouldn't leave you. I-"

Despite the gentle words, Mukuro can't bear to look her in the eyes anymore. "I'm so sorry for bringing this up."

"It's really alright. You just-"

"I should have just shut up and-"

"It's okay."

"I didn't mean to make things-"

"Mukuro, please listen to me!" Sayaka says firmly. Mukuro presses her lips together and nods meekly, still not daring to look her in the eyes. "Okay, so..." She takes a deep breath. "I barely know anything about sex either, you know? But whether it's because- because of trauma or just because you don't want to, I would never make you do anything you didn't want to do -- sexual things or otherwise. Okay?"

Mukuro feels tears burning in her eyes, but she doesn't allow herself to cry. She isn't even sure what she's feeling right now. "Can I get another hug?" She croaks out.

When Sayaka hugs her this time, Mukuro only returns it slowly. Junko's words mock her again in her mind, but she tries to ignore them as best as she can. A hug is not sexual. Junko was just trying to make her uncomfortable.

A hug is not sexual. Mukuro keeps telling herself that.

Eventually, she becomes less tense and is able to hug Sayaka without feeling sick.

"I'm sorry for being weird." Mukuro mumbles quietly after pulling back.

"You're not weird." Sayaka reaches out with her hand, but stills before touching her face. "May I?" She asks.

Mukuro nods.

Sayaka gently cups her right cheek. "Your feelings are important to me, no matter what they are. It's perfectly fine to have issues when it comes to intimacy. Mukuro, I'm never going to make you uncomfortable on purpose. I promise. If I do, please tell me about it. Okay?"

"Yes." Mukuro whispers, her heartbeat quickening. She doesn't think she can hold the words back right now. "Sayaka..."

"Yes?" Sayaka murmurs.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Mukuro." Sayaka replies, her cheeks reddening.

They hug again, for a long time.

When they pull back at the same time, they both can't help but look into each other's eyes.

"Your eyes are beautiful." Mukuro says, breathless.

"So are yours."

Mukuro blushes. No one has ever told her that before. "Sayaka." Mukuro exhales her name simultaneously with a breath, feeling dizzy. She knows they shouldn't, but is too weak to hold back the question. "Can I kiss you?"

"Please do." Sayaka answers without hesitation, biting her lower lip. It makes the the thought of kissing her even more appealing.

When Mukuro's lips touch Sayaka's, she forgets all about Junko and her mocking words from before. Kissing Sayaka feels gentle and nice. Even when it gets more passionate, it doesn't feel... sexual at all.

It's stupid, but for the first time in forever she doesn't feel like she's being ridiculous for having such reservations when it comes to sexual things. With just a few words, Sayaka somehow made her feel so much better about this.

Mukuro pulls back from their kiss, just looking at Sayaka's beautiful face. She smiles.

Sayaka returns the smile. "Something on my face?" She teases.

"Yes. Something pretty." Mukuro answers. "Your face, I mean." She adds awkwardly.

"You're so cute." Sayaka giggles, but her face gains more color in spite of the terrible compliment.

"... Can we kiss again?" Mukuro asks shyly.

"There's nothing I'd love more." Sayaka answers, closing her eyes. "Except you as a whole, of course. I love you, Mukuro."

Mukuro's heartbeat feels as though it could kill her any second. "I love you too, Sayaka."

They kiss again.

And despite how awful she's been feeling throughout this entire day, despite all the guilt still festering inside of her... Mukuro is able to ignore all of it right now.

Because right now she's kissing Maizono Sayaka. The kindest, most understanding girl in the entire world.

The only one who's ever made her feel so... respected. Not just as a soldier, but also as a... well, she supposes as a person.

Sayaka doesn't view her as a tool. She views her as a person. As someone who matters. And...

It's a good feeling.

Sayaka pulls back all of a sudden. "Mukuro?" She asks in a concerned tone. "You- you're crying..."

"It's fine." Mukuro sniffles, smiling at the girl she's in love with. "It's because I'm happy."

"Oh, Mukuro." Sayaka murmurs, her eyes also looking suspiciously misty. "You deserve to feel all the happiness in the world."

When Sayaka leans in to kiss her again, Mukuro feels even more tears spilling from her eyes. So many that Sayaka's face is starting to look blurry. She knows she should be ashamed of herself for being such a baby, but can't bring herself to.

Maybe not all tears are bad.

* * *

 


End file.
